Mea culpa

(ode to the world of unbelief)


For not loving you enough
For projecting my unreasonable standards
Perhaps for not listening

For not taking the pains of making me understood
For burrowing into the excuses called ‘to do’

For the long absence and the unjust presence
I was with my world burrowed deep inside Alice’s tunnel
Sucked into the vortex of angst and darkness

Am still drowning into the stinky smell of sulphur
My lungs shrivel and innards shrink

When the cancer of pain strikes
and the universe collides to stop it
my vision gets foiled
my senses numb

So I whispered to the dam keeper
To let it be. Nature will find a way.
I’ll surrender.

Choosing what's worth it

I was into so much cyclone last week. There were two birthday blasts, barbeques, arguments at work, boredom and fatigue. I plunged into the eye of the storm hoping that in some way I can find balance and compensation in all the things that I do. But well, things don't just happen that way.

So, I went into a self-imposed 'rest' in my own house. How I did that? I let Vonnegut, Sting and Gaiman entertain me once in a while. I slept most of the way -- for in that state of deep sleep, I can't even recall the dreams that I had.

But the hours are waning and I have to get back to work tomorrow. I have to plow the field again. I just have to face the long list of things to be done and start cracking on a few things.

A good friend told me to take my own time and my own pace because-- it is not worth it.

Well, when all else fails, at least I will still have me and the memories. Yeah, I'll take care of myself. I'll forget the rest. Perhaps, I won't dwell so much on thoughts...

Farewell

IN MEMORIAM:




HEATH LEDGER
Actor, Legend

Voice of Dissent

Help me understand just what he is saying about climate change...

We do have much room for diversity of opinions and ideas. I try hard to understand the need of looking at the problem at an objective manner. I don't play up guilt and fear when I approach the issue on climate change. It is not just me.

I ended up volunteering for climate change not because of the catastrophic end that we shall soon see. I put my energies on efforts that I know we can still do things together. My cause and my passion is not equated to my religion. Passions are feelings. When you run out of it, the faith that we get as believers are inexhaustible...

That is why, help me see what he is talking about.

PROVOKED BY ARTISTAS

I tried to keep my distance with the brewing elections. The fever seems too hot and too chaotic for me. The circus is not just up to my taste. As a civil servant, I could very well say that it is just the private side of me that could speak up. Hence, the pregnant silence…

Still, this text message just provoked me:

FROM A TEXT MESSAGE: “Pls patronize pirated Filipino DVDs so the movie industry will die & we wil no longer have actors, actresses, or their spouses running 4 public office. PLS PASS”

I’m critical with the qualifications of our candidates. I’m well aware that sterling qualities in leadership and personal ethics are of prime importance to take this country out of the rot. I’m very cynical of people who maximized their popularity and exposure to gain more votes and mileage. But this do not only confine to actors and actresses. Conrado de Quiros aptly pointed out that traditional politicians gained the much-needed mileage just like anybody else.

I cannot fathom the contempt people have over that in show business. How can one ruthlessly eliminate the movie industry to make sure that non-actors and actresses would not run our country? It is not an assurance that our nation will be in the G-8 soon if these artistas will not win. I don’t need convincing otherwise. Just simply talk to my hand.

The classical problem of having traditional politicians winning the elections due to the feudal way we are run is a complicated situation. Personality-based vote is a passport to winning. FPJ almost made it due to the hero-like projection. Erap won utilizing the underdog image.

I am no fan of the two. However, I didn’t vote for them because they were just actors. I also didn’t vote for GMA because she was just a woman. I rooted for somebody else, more principled. I also didn’t vote for him because he was a lawyer…

We truly deserve the leaders we get if we are willing to kill the arts just to eliminate the ‘stupid’ ones or segregate the lesser beings from the enlightened ones. We can be so ruthless in dismissing these artistas. With the jokes and text messages going around, they qualify to be burnt at the stake.

We bash our heads and continue to tear our ashen clothes over safe issues. Yet, we whimper and keep our silence shout at important ones. Shit, the anti-terror bill just got signed as a law on a special session. We just whimper and pretend that letting these artistas run is the end of the world.

Come, gag me.