Showing posts with label The daily grind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The daily grind. Show all posts

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Keeping faithful to the sit

How do you manage to keep still?


Almost a month after my latest Vipassana sitting, I found myself drifting during sitting times.  Three days ago, I was restlessly shifting and waiting when the hour is up.   I could hear Goenkaji’s telling me to simply “observe”…  I told myself to discover the colors and shapes of anica.

In between work,  when am not formally sitting, I actively observe the sensations and I still get both the pleasant and unpleasant sensations.  I have to restrain myself from ‘playing’ with it.

More and more, I hatched some escape routes to the sit.  Some as applied to me are the following:

1.  Saying yes to all night activities.  This would make me skip from my night sits.   Remedy:  Do a lunch sitting.  I tried doing this once, it did very well.   

2.  Sleeping in.  Excessive nocturnal activities tempt you to sleep in.  This prevents you to do a proper morning sit as work takes over when the sun rises up so high.

3.  Topsy turvy room.  Yes Kins, please clean up your room.  :-)

For a trying hard meditator, I choose to continue in this effort to be more regular and faithful to the practice. 

Metta!

Saturday, 22 October 2011

This time it is for granny


The month of October is dedicated for children. I dedicate my re-blogging commitment to the grannies who generally smothers the children with spoiling love and affection.

The above photo was taken in my trip to Chiangmai in October 2008. She did not dress up to the occasion of receiving an 'alien' in her house. She was very much dressed up to do the winnowing of their rice produce. She patiently did the pounding and the winnowing amidst laughter and antics of her grandchildren (or great-grandchildren).

With grace and wisdom, she answered all my questions and still continued to do her task. When I kidded about how seriously good she was at her task, she smiled and replied... she is preparing the rice for her 'children'...

Thursday, 7 August 2008

Mea culpa

(ode to the world of unbelief)


For not loving you enough
For projecting my unreasonable standards
Perhaps for not listening

For not taking the pains of making me understood
For burrowing into the excuses called ‘to do’

For the long absence and the unjust presence
I was with my world burrowed deep inside Alice’s tunnel
Sucked into the vortex of angst and darkness

Am still drowning into the stinky smell of sulphur
My lungs shrivel and innards shrink

When the cancer of pain strikes
and the universe collides to stop it
my vision gets foiled
my senses numb

So I whispered to the dam keeper
To let it be. Nature will find a way.
I’ll surrender.

Thursday, 26 June 2008

Resting Easy

I burrowed deep into this thing called work. My main objective is to get it 'done and over with'... One friend kept hounding me about the importance of health. My mind told me about the importance of delivering good service to them.

This stage is over...

The countdown to the next week is on... Tomorrow, our first participant is arriving and I am almost done with the things that we need to do.

It is now time to go back to the basics--meet people and see to it that they are home...

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

The man on the roof

By Conrado de Quiros
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 00:29:00 05/26/2008


MANILA, Philippines - Crispin Beltran told me a story I remember to this day. He and several Filipino labor leaders had been invited to a labor conference in Vienna (I think), and the conference had been important enough for them to accept. Off they went on the cheapest flight they could get, bringing with them nothing but their everyday clothes with a couple of long-sleeved shirts and decent pants thrown in for the socials. They figured that since this was a labor conference, the accepted, or expected, attire was workingman’s clothes.

When they got to the conference, they were surprised to see that the venue was a magnificent structure, probably a palace in older times. They were even more surprised—and chagrined—to see that the people who congregated at the entrance to register for the conference all wore suits, many of them three-piece ones. The women wore formal dress and exuded subtle scents.

Deciding that prudence was the better part of valor, they retreated from the scene. But determined as they were to attend the conference—sayang the money their organizations had scrounged up to get them there—they got in touch with some Filipino friends who brought them to Vienna’s version of ukay-ukay. They found what they were looking for in a place not unlike a Salvation Army shop and bought suits and leather shoes for a song. After the suits had been dusted off and pressed, they looked—to them at least—impressive.

Armed thus, they went back to the conference and—again to them at least—burst into the hall like a conquering army. Beltran was so proud of his newly acquired (and polished) shoes, he told me, that he found himself dangling them out whenever he crossed his legs.

That is the image of Ka Bel that I retain to this day. A lot has been said about him falling off the roof of his house while he was fixing it, much of it having to do with the irony of a man who had lived with death and prison as constant companions only to be felled by something completely mundane. He had survived Marcos, he had survived Gloria, alas, he would not survive—his roof. What can one say? Sometimes heaven plays cruel tricks on earth. Warriors struck down not by the sword of the enemy but by the snares of ordinary life. Well, this is one warrior who will gatecrash Valhalla anyway. He has pretty much gatecrashed everything society had decreed was off-limits for him.

But one friend put it down pat. Do you know, he asked me, another congressman who climbs up his roof to fix it? That is the marvel of it, Beltran, who had earned his berth in the Batasan, who was there every day in barong Tagalog, which may or may not have been bought in an ukay-ukay, was not only not spoiled by his new station in life, he continued to live a life only a couple of notches better than the constituents he served. Before he got to Congress, Beltran was living in a P50,000-house in a depressed area in Commonwealth. Afterward, he was living in a one-bedroom bungalow that he bought with a P400,000 loan from GSIS.

Could he have afforded a carpenter or an istambay to climb up his roof and fix it? Probably. But that option would have appeared to him as natural or sensible as attending a conference on labor in the company of other labor leaders in a coat-and-tie. Why waste good money to hire someone to do something that you can very well do yourself? That he was past his prime and was defying the odds, quite apart from gravity, by doing so never entered his reckoning. That’s just the way he was. That was the mettle of the man.

We do not lack for poor people who made good, or made bad, depending on how you look at it, and turned into monsters in the course of it. Ka Bel did not. He did not become corrupt. He remained true to his beliefs, he remained true to labor, he remained true to himself. Congress has not honored him by calling him a congressman, notwithstanding that he got there by the party-list route, he has honored Congress by agreeing to be called a congressmen notwithstanding the laughable meanings that now attach to the word. He has shown that however a contradiction in terms it sounds, it is possible to be an honest congressman.

While paying him obligatory praise, many have also found it a pity that in life he clung to beliefs that were outmoded and ways that were unyielding, which marginalized him in politics and society. What can I say? If it has become outmoded to believe that the poor have as much claim to this earth as the rich, if not more so, that public service is not an entitlement to abuse but a challenge for one to acquit oneself honorably, that honesty and decency and simplicity are marks of high-mindedness and not naiveté, then we can all do with clinging to outmoded beliefs. And if it has become modern to compromise principle for pelf, to barter integrity for a life of ease, to sell one’s soul to gain the world, or an infinitesimal fraction thereof, then we can all do with being resolutely old-fashioned.

Easy to talk, hard to do. Words are cheap, and in this day and age where officials are free to say one thing and do another, they become even cheaper by the day. Ka Bel did not just talk about principle, he practiced it. Ka Bel did not just talk about the people, he walked with them. Ka Bel did not just talk about life, he lived it.

I don’t know that it’s farfetched to squeeze some metaphorical or symbolic meaning from Ka Bel trying to fix the roof of his house. That house might very well be the one where the people he loved and tried to serve—the poor, the tired, the hungry—were huddled in one corner, a tangle of arms and legs, trying to fend off wind and rain. Of course he tripped, and plunged to his death. But who knows?

Maybe his example might just inspire others to try their luck.


------------------------------
i don't know how many people can be like him... I don't know him personally. but the death of this person fascinated me...

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Twists and turns of the day

I woke up today with a strong resolve to do many things. My team called it ‘working’ day. But, with a ‘migraine’ lurking at the corner of my head, I tried to distract it by moving about in the office. I took the church keys to post a concert notice by the church door. (Think less and move much – clear the head exercise)

Much to my surprise, the church was open and I saw a lady in black sitting at a corner busy with a lot of things. I didn’t really take much notice about her activity until I noticed a fixture below the altar. It was a coffin – such a lonely death, I muttered…

I asked a friend on how a death could be so lonely when in the last hours of your wake, few hours before going to the final place called cemetery, only 1 person was just around. I dismissed it as something Aussie.

I was led to some trivial work later that I forgot about the ‘solitary coffin’… I waged war with my headache and there were just too many to preoccupy my head. The ‘invalids’ decided to do groceries for the office. I just happily tagged along.

My headache went off and it was another happy day.

Then, the priest came back and said “remember about your question on whether or not the funeral went successfully? Let’s just put it this way – the dead body was an ex-convict, indicted for murdering his wife. He died in November last year and was only identified a week ago. He got burried today.”

Sunday, 13 April 2008

today

i stood most of the time
waiting
wondering
hoping

i squatted with neil as company
hearing the sermon droning on and on
humming the hymns along the way
chatted with curious kids

believe me philosophical questions were stuck
in the middle and thrown by the kids
asking about how and why money should be
how and why there should be..

i smiled
linked hands with others
connected
avoided stares
(yes, am shy too)

sat with colleagues
for a long time
asked for a favor
tried to explain
a bit, for long...

then i blogged
clicked to links
my insomnia starts
my life is neverwhere...

Thursday, 6 March 2008

post sorry days...



I meant to write about sorry day and share my reflections on it. Time stole the opportunity. However, I took some photos in the city showing the activity of the people few days after...
  • what is the face of 'compensation' over the years and chances that were stolen?
  • how is the engagement of Australia over all of these?

Just asking....


Tuesday, 4 March 2008

freezing the beauty



oblivious to the heat and the thousand and one meditation instructions given, I followed my own course. i clicked photos...
it may not be too spectacular but it is mine and i managed to freeze the beauty and imperfection of the sunflower...

Tuesday, 26 February 2008


the wounded man stopped breathing and the blood drained out of his system
the soul traveled from afar . he was pronounced dead.
how many crucifixions must we take to have our own resurrection?
we take delight in all things new, meeting people at the crossroads, journeying.
it is tiring though. how is it possible to always choose the unpaved and unpopular?
it may only be me... trying to be like you. nah--pretending.

Friday, 11 January 2008

Water talk

The Asian Development Bank released a finding that the water quality in the Philippines is worsening. This is nothing new. One will just have to take a look around and things are not getting any better.

What about the question on accessibility of water? Have we gotten ahead out of this?

In grade school, I can still remember how much we suffered of water scarcity. People in the house has to stay up so late just to find water. It was common to knock at a neighbor's door to 'borrow' a container of water for drinking.

I know, the younger ones would find it hard to believe. But it is true... It was only very lately that we experienced a good supply of running water. Mind you, it is not steady!

Looking at the future, water might be a cause for trouble...

Monday, 7 January 2008

On VAW

A woman slept at the railway station last night because the hubby turned her out of the house. She walked for an hour to catch the train. By the time she reached the station closer to the church, she just can't find the strength to walk again. So, she just slept at the station hoping that her 'angels' will keep her safe from harm.

I saw her this morning. I showed her where the shower was. We had tea and randomly talked about her situation. She was too calm and talked casually talked about her 'last night'.

After all the talks that she had with some people, she came to our office again and smiled calmly. She bid goodbye. She was going back to the house. She wants to be with her kids. She'll brave the maltreatment. After all, she's on the 'saner' side...

BIG SIGH.

Saturday, 27 October 2007

making sense

barely half-filled backpacks lugged anywhere
toting thoughts and abstract plans...
i go by the hour, i take the train.

Friday, 2 March 2007

Local vs. Original

Nothing prepared me for my class last Wednesday. I was prepared with my illustrative symbols on how to make local governance be made popular to my class. That portion in the Philippine Constitution is quite ‘boring’ for my students in the College of Education as they have the tendency to shun away from ‘frontal’ politics.

While I was about to steer them to the topic, I asked them about the meaning of the word 'local' for them. They blurted out that it has to be fake and the opposite of original. The educator in me tried doing follow-up questions and found out that they meant it to be that way. The baskets in Antequera are ‘local’ and never original… (This should be the mainstreaming of colloquial thoughts!)

I smiled then flexed my muscles. We went ‘dictionarily bookish’. My students simply smiled. They were sheepish when I told them that I will blog the evening’s event…

In that night, I was more excited ‘informing’ them that the opposite of local is not original and the former is always original… Most of them would not agree that they are locals but they adamantly said that they were very original… It was a fifteen minute probing of how the word was perceived and what was its meaning in the political science perspective.

Just like life, although somehow destinations are clear, we take short stops and encounter unplanned events… Along the way, people are there. These things happen. It was a stop worth taking. I peered into their minds and entered into a discussion with them, which they might hesitate if done in a very formal setting like that of an oral examination.

I could have climbed over the wall and complain about where the academia is going. I could have written a note to the English professors for their information and consumption. Instead, I blogged it as promised. They committed no crime… they were simply honest.